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- By Stuart Mathews
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Fell asleep in front of the tv today. Woke up on the sofa, with a stiff neck. Got up and went for a run down to the gym. Got there, did 15 minutes of gym and walked back home. While I was walking back, the traffic seemed to soothing against the blackness of the night. It was as if I was watching the colours of the world move onto a black canvass before me. The wind was gently blowing from behind and it cooled me down.
My feet are hurting, each step I take, they hurt and I battle to walk but each step in between the confusion of the pain, the gentle soothing wind and the beauty that is the night's sky and the lights of the occasional oncoming traffic - I realise how wonderful life is.
The singularity for some breeds loneliness and despair, for me its a opportunity to feel who I am and discover what I am. I think for much of my life growing up, I was essentially unconscious, always 6 steps behind but being ok with that - i was like walking through a forest in a race, when before you it had been run through already by so many and this was my first time. I think my whole life has been catching up, realising and understanding, that which perhaps many know already. But i like doing it by myself. I
like walking up the stairs to my apartment, walking to my door, reaching in my pocket for my keys and bringing them to the key hole, opening the door and knowing that the cold, crisp air that meets me is mine. I like walking in and feeling the carpet in-between my toes. I love the touch of the wall against my hands, the darkness and the freedom. Sometimes I don't even turn on the light, I just walk over to my sofa and sit there and listen. I listen to the sirens outside, the wind and the silence. I love knowing what i do, is exactly that, that which i do and it affects no one and no one is looking for it to affect them. I don't have to watch out for anyone, i dont have to worry and i dont have to make anyone feel good about themselves. I'm done with that.

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- By Stuart Mathews
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I've just performed corrective surgery on my blisters - got out the puncture repair kit, spot light and surgical apparatus and, well now I only got 4 toes on me right foot... no not really, but that's how I tense the surgery was.
Also started an interesting trial - downloaded this app for my phone which should help you understand what you're eating - nutritional value, calories etc... that sorta junk. so now im trying this out, noting my calorie intake, lowering my fat intake and just generally being more aware. I think I'm trying to slim up.(sub-consciously I think, because I'd never confess to thinking I'm a little saggy around the mid section or anything ) With me bulking up at the moment(gym) I'm rather loathed to have to work needlessly hard to burn calories in the gym because in just not considering which and what intake is beneficial to be. Probably, explains to two rubs(oh a pun crime) recently. I will say this, I feel more taught, firmer and generally more lean after I've done a good sweaty run. Another thing I've noticed is that it's hard to take this body running. I've become quite a bit stockier. Sometimes it feels like I'm carrying two bags around my neck. It's also good for my heart. We've got history of heart problems in our family so I'm going to be as proactive as I can to prevent that from inhibiting my life. Stress and boredom too are negated by this get up and go routine if late(not that im terribly bored)
It's been an interesting study this far with me buying only low fat products and being aware that they need to be burned off at some stage.
anyways my feet are paying the price now and I keep having glimpses, flashbacks, nightmares of a documentary of James Cracknell and indirectly the state of his feet after a finishing a race and I'm thinking, I can do better - my feet aren't nearly as knarly as his normally are. Quite an insane goal and strange...
So far, low fat cheese sucks, but low fat yogurt is great. Not so keen on remembering all the calories but a keen insight helps fuel a keen result.
Moderation moderation moderation.
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- By Stuart Mathews
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But hey, I'm ranting again and still I had an awesome day yesterday. Uploaded some videos from my iPhone to YouTube, had a pretty sweet luck in the sun(see ok it's not that bad) and was pretty chilled.
Today the Danish going on(and I need to catch up on the work I didn't do yesterday!!)
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