Whatever happened to running away, forgetting everything and just going and see where you end up?

Sometimes I think our whole lives are built in blocks that we plan just before we do them and then at the end, we look and realise that we were just making space and those blocks were just place holders, not waiting for the boxes to invent themselves around us, or better letting them invent themselves around us.

Sometimes I think that at times we're running out of life. Its so easy to become content with waiting. It becomes normal and i fear that waiting leads the unenviable from happening - realising that you've done nothing really with your life and you've just spent it - thinking that, like a salary, it can be just spent - but we forget that there is so much more we can do with our lives.

I often feel that our flaws are the truest reflection of who we are, because they are so evident and so explicit and we are mostly left afterwards thinking about them because they happen, and we are left trying to understand why but that just goes to show how they explain who we are and that is humbling. So sometimes I look at my character flaws and sometimes think that I should not, as I seem to want to, try to mask my flaws or train them based on something else, by someone else - but rather uderstand them and facilitate them in a constructive way that makes me feel right. Because, essentially when you feel you are at your most normal, you are comfortable and calm and at peace - i;d like that. For instance, this year I have tried to change my reaction, suppress my default emotional stimulations to scenarios and events because I read that they only muddy rational and clear thinking and that in order to think in a logical way, one must rid oneself of such emotion. I've realised that this goes against who i am essentially and recently, its troubled me. Another instance is not defending, socially. Most often i don't feel the need to defend myself when people aren't the most truthful about me or about things that concern me, because essentially - I don't need to defend myself as I'm not threatened by things like this because i know that mostly its rubbish and I don't need to defend myself to prove specifically to myself that this is the case. now, I've thought about this long and hard and you must know that with everything that there is, their is that which counter acts it - moderation is that which manages this balance of everything and this too applies to my two previously mentioned character flaws.

I think essentially it comes to not absorb the opinions of others and to trust who you are - because essentially thats all you are.

So in ending this rather pathetic blog post, I leave you with this thought that you should try to do the things that make you happy, and don't be too afraid to fail and dont try to change if you liked it they way it was before.