This weekend was pretty cool.
I slept well. I know that's weird that a mention it but seriously woke up so chilled out - really like that, who doesn't I suppose? I went into London on Saturday just to, I don't know, get out and oh because the weather was particularly good. Sometimes I wonder if the various bouts of good weather in England cause people to for those days specifically, appreciate life that much more than say in a place that's always sunny like South Africa. Two sides to that argument I guess.

Was able to utilise my newly acquired sunglasses. That was a shallow bonus. Still, only used them a few times - when I was literally facing the sun. Other than that, I have the urge to take my eyewear off my face when I don't need them like when their isn't any sun, when I'm talking to people or sometimes I just don't think stuff is as clear or sharp with sunglasses on, so I take them off when they irritate me in this regard. hey, really cool eyewear though!

Scoped out some light weight running backpacks - I mean they are designed to carry a hydration pack first and foremost and then be ultra comfortable to wear. I also had my eyes on a pair of awesome running/adventure/everything sorta type shoes. Spent about an hour just testing, trying and investigating the stuff. Didn't buy anything but was good to check the stuff out.

I headed back home and ran into a dude(ok, he was a monk), you know the types; handing out leaflets, wanting your attention - the sorta thing. dude grabbed me(not literally, I'd've ninja kicked him in head ) and showed me a book about something spiritual or asked for a donation, I figured why not and to my surprise the £5 I donated resulted in a copy of the aforementioned book. ok cool whatever I thought, I'll just read it next just to see. only way walking back home from Wimbledon train station, I glanced at it and in attempting to pronounce the title, realised that I had hear of this book before in a quote by Oppenheimer of the manhattan project that created the infamous A-Bomb. Describing his guilt and disappointment for being involved in the mass destruction that followed in Hiroshima and Nagasaki he said, "...from the holy scriptures of Bhagavad Gita...he took on his multi-armed form and said, I have become death, destroyer of worlds..." which hit me with a bit of shock at the coincidence that I might have that very holy Hindu scripture now in my possession and could now possible relate to that quote in a deeper dimension to that of purely reflective remembrance. I got home, started to read the foreword and the first few pages before the first chapter -the door bell rang. I opened the door and it stayed open for an hour while I had the most perfect conversation I've had with a stranger. Fully energised and somewhat captivated by the thoughts were of that perfect conversation, I went for a 10km night run. I ran and ran and ran and could only think about the words that were spoken in that perfect conversation like a two-piece puzzle, our mind met and interlocked. I have a view and perspective on life that I had never before; this is how great the human being is. After a Dizzying 1/4 marathon, I ended up at the gym, still rather mesmerised, only now I had run 10km and had a intense workout. I ran back home with pushed my total to about 12kms which I liked.

I woke with the lights still on. I cant remember going to sleep. I must have been so tired. Unlike yesterday the haze had left me and I was lying bed, the sun was trying to get my attention to push me out of bed and get out there. I finally after another freedom-doze awoke at 14pm and decided that I'd get both the shoes and backpack I saw yesterday. I did, and like yesterday I took my book with me. I watched a film after arriving at home in Wimbledon called Johnny English reborn. it was not fantastic but still I state to watch the entire movie.

My whole interpretation of life has been had a breath of fresh air blown over its dusty pages. And I think that at times there is an uncompromising hope and deserved purpose for humanity.

From today I will continue to strive to find that perfect conversation. In the mean time, I'll try on my new running shoes and keep running.

I had an apartment inspection again today, probably checking that I'm not selling drugs on the premises or something unusual. It's good I suppose...

I woke up at 8:00 which was great, did a bit of cleanup abd stuck some music on and I was ready for A) the inspection and B) working from home.

Did our 'stand-up' meeting as per usual at 9:30 but only this time I was cunningly sitting down and dialed in. The sun was beautifully streaming through the windows.

After the inspection, I decided to head into the office - only to walk into another dev meeting in which our whole team got somewhat of a bashing for various things leading to our delay in the product release date. Then, like it had been co-ordinated, I had to manage dealing with a new employee that was asking millions of why-don't-we-do-this-rather-instead-of that type questions(which I was generally happy to do) and really everything just seemed to be a product of my decision to leave the comfort of my flat a couple of hours prior, to go to work. How daft? In all seriousness I like being in the office when I'm working but not today it seemed.

Rather incumbent with the days turn out I decided to at least invest in lunch, wrote a few emails and grabbed some lunch with the aim to read some of my new book on the stairs outside our building. Didn't turn out that way either: a cold wind blew much of my patience away much to my dismay as not only was it cold, the wind was literally a page turner - but I wasn't ready for those pages turning. At the end I resorted to going back to the office with 20 mins of my lunch break spare and read there, which was ok as i sat away from the office in a type of lounge but was then scooted when an unscheduled meeting decided to invade my space - I moved.

What a pain. Generally, and in every way thus far.

I dealt with it.

On the plus side, I get to go home to a nice clean flat. I can probably read my book and I'm hungry: All good things today seem to revolve around my apartment and everything else for now is an exception to calm and content.

Also, seeing that I'm summing up pluses here - I used my travel card for my trip into work today, which I payed for (it's part of a weekly travel card I bought yesterday), suppose that's something...and the inward journey was not crowded and pretty calm. Thats another something...

Still. Somehow, kinda think that I've come out second best today and feeling rather sorry with myself and decidedly hoodwinked.

Meh.

Did that 10km run that I'd been training for.

We started at 10am and finished an hour or so later. Must say that I enjoyed more the scenery than anything, people came out of their houses and were clapping and cheering and this one family had Jelly Babies-to-go - we(there was two of us that left together and finished together) had some of those! That was around the 3km mark, so that replenished our glucose-energy store(I'm a pro-athlete, I can speak like that now). True to our training me and my mate headed off, maintaining the pace through out the race, which was probably what got us to the end. What didn't help I suppose was us talking the whole way but I think it was sorta like motivation to keep on going. It's strange how we double up the distances already run and mentally , say we can do this - we already done x KMs so it's OK. A lot to do with psychology I suppose, a fight with perception. Good.

I must say it's amazing how good you feel running. Even more so when total strangers come out to say, "Cmon, nearly there, well done...". I would have just come out for that to be honest - that and the ability to run through the town, seeing stuff and pretty much just soaking up the atmosphere.

We finished, got medals and joked that pretty much I wasn't going to take my medal off...ever. I was my first race. I wondered around after the race, just watching people, the colours, shapes and sizes, the sounds and faces all at times too much for me to take but as I've come to learn, since being in England about 4 years ago, just got to stop, stand still and do nothing and just relax and watch things in front of me - it allow me to get 'out' of it and it's easier to observe when I think I'm not involved in it.

I stood, at the end, on the athletic track, waiting for the toddler and mother race to start and for a minute there, I had replaced a past picture in my head of how I saw the western world out from my little plot in rural South Africa, only now I was there in the flesh: I have this slow-mo frame by frame account of this one mother and toddler laughing as they looked back at people and ran. Pretty amazing yet seemingly so normal - the sense of community is different here. Just thinking, it's the kind of place my mother would enjoy so much, I'm sad at times that she is not here.

Coming to think about it, at the hotel last night I watched a movie about Sandra Laing which transported me back to my beginnings and struck me with an intense deja vu watching the age of the cars in the movie, there was the distinctive sound of a volksvagen beetle which reminded me of our Fiat 1100 on dirt roads and how I was at times embarrassed at how simple it looked but really my parents were always right. The accents and general way of life and I realised then too, how privileged my life is and how it has changed. From an independent dusty farm road, shorts and bare feet to sharing the smiles and fun of a mother and child in the western world so different to mine.
There is a sense of yearning, i suppose ,an underlying purpose that calls me to South Africa. But for now, just being here, seeing people I have come to know, writes a strange new chapter in my life which is uplifting, exciting and somewhat comfortable but at the same time somehow estranges me from me.

There was a water point half way and I don't know why but I remember the myriad of translucent plastic cups covering the road like soft blue petals spread out. It's weird things like that that I remember the most in life.

In all honestly, the race was not difficult, nor did I find it difficult - I guess the training I had been doing had payed off and I'm happy it did. I'm just thinking that ill probably continue to train this way moving forward as it's healthy and I rather enjoy my body feeling energised, stronger and it's a good way to feel the world around me.

I've done so much harder things in my life that this and now thinking back to my past in South Africa, the uncertainties and difficulties and hardships to be who I am today, this makes me feel that I'm getting weaker. But it's different weakness, just like the race today - its not a physical weakness or endurance but a mental one.

That said, other things in my life are ao much better - confidence, social interactions, independence etc..

Went to the pub after the run, I don't drink but I had one and you know you're a light-weight when after one pint I was feeling mellow. Sat outside and I watched people talk in front of me and realised that I was part of this even though as usual it seemed as I was just there and looking in from behind my eyes and my body was just a robot to transporting me.

I had a conversation with a younger family member when I got to St. Pancreas from Ashford and it was wonderful to share that I was there, take photos and share them in real life time- I put myself In south Africa right then and having someone show me where they were right now abroad, in England would have been so great for me. You realise how you miss things.

But I'm strong and stubborn at the same time so I'll get over it (another skill I'm honing)

I think I know what I remember the most from South Africa, thinking about it now in relation to England- it's the drama, strain and simplicity of struggle that in a strange way I yearn. Perhaps i associate it with family which i don't have here but generally too i suppose. Perhaps when you deal with it so much, when you don't have it, you feel a little lost. That said, life is beautiful wherever it is.

Just ordered dinner, from my computer from my apartment at 10 'o clock at night and again realise how different my life has become but at the sane time how wonderful it is!