[dropcap cap="O"]ne of my greatest fears is waking up one day and realising that life has passed me by while I'm still expecting it to pass me. You kinda need to start now to realise that what you've got is what your life has amounted to. While I have no problem with my life, there are things that I want to do and short term living has a way of taking up all your time - speeding to get that degree for example, worrying about Mondays meeting, thinking about your current frustrations etc... These seem to envelope you in the short term so often that this becomes your long term, instead if your projected long term plans.

I don't want to be surprised that I didn't live my life as I'd have wanted to, suddenly waking up one morning.[/dropcap]

[dropcap cap="I"] am standing here waiting for the tube. Frustrated. I mean really frustrated, the kind of frustrated that doesn't leave you, the kind that envelopes your mind and lingers - and stays with you the whole evening. 

Basically that's because I left work without finishing something - I can't standing not finishing something,least when it's not at a point I can easily remember to continue from. I don't know what's worse not eating or not finishing - I do, not finishing.

Actually, it's this very attitude that stresses me out - I never finish, I just keep adding, changing, improving and well, on a timescale - time is not so patient with me. I love it though - the continual battle to carry on and that of stopping. Truth is, nothing engages me more than making more work for myself, probably not a trait of a businessman more that of a engineer. probably that's why I m an engineer, hey? 

Feeling much better now that I've written it down - popped my things I still need to do into my todo list on my phone and scheduled a calendar invite(appointment) for myself for tomorrow - alarmed and ready to carry on where I left off today. hmm feeling much - it's taking it out of your mind's task list and putting it elsewhere I find what really works...[/dropcap]

[dropcap cap="S"]o, I'm standing here looming at the tube tracks below in front of me, waiting on the platform for the Northern line. And my thoughts move on and stop at the thought of getting a seat in the middle of the seating aisle. No jokes. So that's because the thought progresses to me noticing a person walk into the aisle and me feeling that I must give my seat up for that person. It's not pure dread, it's just another opportunity to asses my needs against those of others or more to the point, my will to give my seat and exercise humility and politeness. 

I find myself counting instances when I will give my seat up. "if she shuffles her bag from one arm to the next, then she's having a tough time - here take my seat". 

A tough one is if the person is overweight - sure, they are less able to stand but by giving them your seat on that basis may be insulting and not polite as it exposes someones features that society(and thus the person) will find offensive. So I've decided not to chance that.

Today's been a good day.

I'll loom to attend tube seating anonymous anytime soon :-)[/dropcap]