[dropcap cap="I"] thought I heard something about how we as humans have evolved to forget the intensity of pain that occurred in the past. Mostly, apparently down to child birth, where if a mother could vividly reinterpret the previous painful childbirth, she'd be more reluctant to give birth in the future. Whether this is true or not, I don't exactly know however, it is intriguing given our susceptibility to endure painful relationships and circumstances. If we remembered how each fight, experience perhaps frightened us, we'd never think it ok to experience it again, yet, it is perhaps a trend to say that 'it's not so bad' born out of a natural instinct to forget pain?

Also, do we forget how painful and excruciating our last marathon was to run or the training we did? Do we forget about how angry we were with each other? Do we forget that we'd spare never to do that again?

Do we forget for a really good reason?

[/dropcap]

[dropcap cap="B"]een pretty quiet lately, probably due to the fact that I've got no broadband yet and I'm waiting until next week to ship in an engineer to sort it out(As all is reported to be working by BT so could be my internal wiring). But on the upside, it got me figuring out how to tether my iPhone to my mac last night - and use it's connect to the net. I even VPN'd into my Dev box at work so that's pretty OK(albeit it somewhat sad, got messengered by the US fir my troubles. Serves me right). 

Started reading a new book about writing Linux device drivers - I'm 4 chapters in and it's pretty interesting as it brings a new appreciation to the handling of time within the hardware of your PC but until I write an interface to one of my hardware devices, it's remain just that. It's pretty amazing and I've recognised it now, how broadband and the Internet keeps us busy and for me, sometimes I think now, leaves me with a sort of empty satisfaction and time place holder. That said, I've completed much of the preparation for my next Java module in March/June(I think) probably exclusively because I'm not 'hanging' about online. 

With my tethered connection, I enabled my spam filter on Stuartmathews.com as it stopped when the box restarted and I was recording email left right and centre. Also installed usermin which gives me an interface to report email as spam(among other things) and thus train the spam system. Boring. But it checked a few boxes I had unticked.

Also, I've not returned to gym to train, other than use the net at the club on one Saturday last week. I'll be looking to return to normal programming next week as it's starting to bother me now.

On the work front, I had an interesting day yesterday, well interesting to a developer :-) as I produced a recursive XSL transform to create a sitemap (Many levels of data) from an XML that holds visited sites by the Http Spider I've written. Woah! Yeah, Geekazoid.

Been having a lot of defects in my spider lately due to a bit of laziness in unit testing and lack of requirement specifications for the functioning of the spider but it's bugging me so I'm figuring out how best to counter that in the future, efficiently. Bottom line is to prove your solution but creating tests. This is probably to our new QA exec we've got to improve quality. Now it's a competition to eliminate all bugs before it goes out to him(a good thing)

Also been pretty blown away about the beauty working in London city, recently really enjoying the architecture and modern style blended conservatively into long standing buildings. Im still pretty stuck on liking the scale and design of the buildings around where I'm working and indeed the one I'm in.

Still trying to finalise stuff from the move almost two months ago - winding on too long and too late now. 

Heard that my mother has started writing again, which is great. Dad is pretty much like me, working through technology and enjoying it - story of our lives really but all seem to be enjoying life as certainly I am.

Ever conscious of the time flying by and anxious to make the mist if it and remember it in the future. 

Apart from that - it's all good in the hood. Life is fantastic![/dropcap]

Men and woman can be so stupid. Woman's relentless investigation and search for the perfect man can lead to such pathetic circumstances that make me cringe. The same can be said about men, often just as stupid. I wonder if it's the intense desire to meet expectations, invariably set by themselves, coupled with natural instinct and possibly society that lead to some of the most insatiably-crazy- nuts, often seemly pointless relationships. 

Take for instance the scenario where domestic violence plays apart - the most unfortunate but arguably, a choice taken both to impart and receive(albeit willing to adapt) such violence and thus complete a crazy system which should never exist in a relationship. Take another example where the one partner basically feeds off the other and looks to the other(and depends almost entirely) for emotional support, choices & decisions etc...take that scenario which is fairly common and apply it to when, because of this dependence, certain liberties are taken by the one providing all the previous mentioned support, to emit a certain amount of control(taking advantage of the opposite partners vulnerability in needing dependence), such as seeing the right to perform certain activities such as things that treat the dependent partner in a certain way - one way would be in a derogative manner perhaps, another in a very despotic manner, where the right of choice lies exclusively with the more powerful partner(the one given choice to make choices) - but where certain individual rights are not granted. In a way, I sense that such a relationship just like a domestic violence case, would be the fault of both partners(but fear plays a part too). But the crazy thing really is and I don't seem to be able to wrap my head around it is, how they deem it OK(because some really think it's fine) and a necessary thing for the relationship, when clearly for me, the dilution or giving up ones rights, emotionally or otherwise is not a measure of a healthy any relationship.

What drives me nuts is how people actually depend and think they cant function or survive without someone else's input. I think it's a two sided thing. If you are willing to run a marathon, siting and watching marathons on TV will not help when you need to actually stand up and run a marathon. Like wise when one needs to live and make decisions but when the opportunity to live and make such decisions - you can't do it. Its dependence. Its silly. it's really stupid. Rather, it's stupid in the above situations - dependence is great if you think you'll never need to do anything by yourself...then you can depend until kingdom comes. 

I end my sincere ignorance with this:

Don't give your life to someone else. You will probably regret it.

[/dropcap]