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- By Stuart Mathews
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I guess, when you realise that you haven't got all the answers, you start asking the right questions. I learnt this today.
I've always wanted to learn how to ride a motocyle. I got my provisional license on Friday, then yesterday, I decided that I wanted to learn the very next day - pretty spontaneous but that's what I wanted, so I found a course in Wembly that would show me how to ride.
Then, because I had this training the next day, I realised that I needed gear for the next day and it was already 4pm on a Sunday. I dont know why I had this epiphany on a Sunday and wanted to do it for the very next day(Easter Monday), but there you go. One of the requirements for the course was that I needed strong boots, jacket and gloves. I hadn't any of so I headed into town which was now the day for the course. As it was Sunday, 4pm, I quickly found that at this time, my options for getting gear was pretty limited. I found a place online open until 5pm, so I had to think fast, get out and get to this place real quick. I'd just booked the training for 9am the next day, and headed out for now as I only had an hour to get to this bike shop. I got three, picked up a killer set of gloves, boots and a super jacket and I was out of there. Got back home, and I realised that it was on. The rest of Sunday was YouTube videos because I realised that I was way out of my depth, so needed some theory just to prepare myself. I found some videos on changing gears, basically how to ride a bike, basics really - it helped but not watching the accident videos... I sorta couldn't sleep - it was me mentally fixing the gear shifting theory in my mind(not the accident videos), the new idea of me going for the training the next day, the panic/rush of the having no gear(gloves etc) etc...
So I'm up at 5am, went all the way into North London, and well just did it.
I like that, knowing you want to do something and being able to do it the next day.
Got the gear shifting working, amazing how much me mentally doing it in the videos actually helped out in practise. So then on the day, I was rushing up and down the parking lot like a perfect maniac. That's was probably the most daunting bit of me wanting to do this training as I'd never ridden or known how to ride a manual motorcycle. It had always been that really hard thing up there, that i put up there. I totally nailed it. I wasn't confident to quite go out on the roads but I got my needs served. Probably go again next time around on the roads but just getting used to the downshifting and up shifting, indicating, stopping, managing the clutch and throttle was enough. I'm hugely stoked.
I've got cool gear now :-)
Friday and and a bit of Saturday, I got some practise on all the java reading I'd been doing on the train to work last week. Set up a VM and did my thing. Very rewarding especially as I learned a new thing.
I guess, my weekend has been awesome because I've learned stuff. Yeah, I got some totally killer new gear but that's only part of it...
Also, on Saturday I did a 11km run from Wimbledon to the Thames on Saturday. I Plotted the course online, mapped out the route - uploaded it to my Garmin and off I went. I nearly died. I made it though, and kinda figured that I should run that route more and that it's not that far to the Thames from my flat. So here are the details of my calf burner: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/165361445#.T39TufQxZk0.twitter and well that's pretty much been my Easter weekend in a nutshell...
I don't know what everything I do in life is supposed to be for and why but I'm kinda sorta thinking that the more I realise that I don't know the answers, the more know what questions I want to ask.
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- By Stuart Mathews
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I'm back on coffee. Bought Sucralose sweetener(sugar derivative) and now in sipping that between Med-Lemon and evervescent vitamin C drink. Tomorrow's the last day of the week, then it's Easter - how cool is that? I know.
I only ran 2.3km but had a pace of 5'33 per km which is pretty good for me. Amazing what some good rest can do. Watched some football on the screen at the gym(I ran to the gym) oh and ran some more in the treadmill - 2km in fact, so that's 4km in total. Awesome. had a whole meal pasta dish and protein shake and took the closest buss back to Wimbledon.
Handed in my tenancy notice in yesterday. I'm going to be moving! That's sorta fun. Restocked my first aid kit, dunno have a insane interest in first aid supplies - I go all Dr. on myself as soon as I have a cut, grave or rash. love it. Parallel universe me is probably a doctor. huh.
I'm going to try Breakfast again tomorrow. bought milk, a variety of cereals and I'm all set. see how that goes.
Still eagerly awaiting for both my passport and provisional license to come through.
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- By Stuart Mathews
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The other thing I was wondering was why everyone runs down escalators. No, that's not it. I was wondering why I don't run down escalators - besides the obvious(I said it back up there) - I know its a seemingly trivial thing, I mean, it's almost like I'm missing something. It kinda made me think about how people's characters hide and protect them from things that they do - like for me, I don't believe in being dishonest, so I tend to feel really good by telling telling the truth and not being deceptive. I also feel that it avoids complication. That's two mechanisms that makes me behave a certain way that I do. After a while these things become almost second nature and if I can't be honest, I feel bad and I behave less comfortably, until I can be honest where I will revert to a default behaviour. The thing is about this, is that these automatic principles are so natural and become so ingrained that you don't even notice that they are impacting you. Not saying being honest and having manipulate your behaviour is bad, only that it's automatic and you may not detect it. It's almost hiding, but protecting you from feeling bad...by automatically being honest.
In this way I think you can implicitly be yourself without knowing it and this is a emotional protection mechanism. I also like to feel that everything I get, every experience I feel and every situation, is a direct result of me making it so, I get a lot from doing things myself. My character does some implicitly protection to aid this, most times without me knowing: I avoid complication, attention and involvement this I guess, is because involvement, complexity most times makes it less easy for me to ensure that I will feel that satisfaction from doing it myself. This protection hides that fact that I trust myself so much for doing and getting through something at hand, and everything and everyone I distrust as being able to make me feel personal achievement.
Actually pretty weird, trying to psychoanalysing yourself... A Healthy exercise I think.
Am I becoming a control freak?
We all have our mechanisms, I guess.
weird huh?
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