I was standing on the down escalator this morning, staring at my feet mostly and then others as they hustled down my left. As I waited for the escalator to go down,because that's what I do - I figure escalators are moving stairs and I don't run down stairs so...(fair enough, right?) I kinda realised that Aerosmith is awesome, is probably America's best band rock band ever and I hesitate to say ZZTop and Aerosmith in one sentence. Oh there I did it. Damn. Not but seriously today's post is supposed to be getting to something more powerful.
The other thing I was wondering was why everyone runs down escalators. No, that's not it. I was wondering why I don't run down escalators - besides the obvious(I said it back up there) - I know its a seemingly trivial thing, I mean, it's almost like I'm missing something. It kinda made me think about how people's characters hide and protect them from things that they do - like for me, I don't believe in being dishonest, so I tend to feel really good by telling telling the truth and not being deceptive. I also feel that it avoids complication. That's two mechanisms that makes me behave a certain way that I do. After a while these things become almost second nature and if I can't be honest, I feel bad and I behave less comfortably, until I can be honest where I will revert to a default behaviour. The thing is about this, is that these automatic principles are so natural and become so ingrained that you don't even notice that they are impacting you. Not saying being honest and having manipulate your behaviour is bad, only that it's automatic and you may not detect it. It's almost hiding, but protecting you from feeling bad...by automatically being honest.
In this way I think you can implicitly be yourself without knowing it and this is a emotional protection mechanism. I also like to feel that everything I get, every experience I feel and every situation, is a direct result of me making it so, I get a lot from doing things myself. My character does some implicitly protection to aid this, most times without me knowing: I avoid complication, attention and involvement this I guess, is because involvement, complexity most times makes it less easy for me to ensure that I will feel that satisfaction from doing it myself. This protection hides that fact that I trust myself so much for doing and getting through something at hand, and everything and everyone I distrust as being able to make me feel personal achievement.
Actually pretty weird, trying to psychoanalysing yourself... A Healthy exercise I think.
Am I becoming a control freak?
We all have our mechanisms, I guess.
weird huh?
The other thing I was wondering was why everyone runs down escalators. No, that's not it. I was wondering why I don't run down escalators - besides the obvious(I said it back up there) - I know its a seemingly trivial thing, I mean, it's almost like I'm missing something. It kinda made me think about how people's characters hide and protect them from things that they do - like for me, I don't believe in being dishonest, so I tend to feel really good by telling telling the truth and not being deceptive. I also feel that it avoids complication. That's two mechanisms that makes me behave a certain way that I do. After a while these things become almost second nature and if I can't be honest, I feel bad and I behave less comfortably, until I can be honest where I will revert to a default behaviour. The thing is about this, is that these automatic principles are so natural and become so ingrained that you don't even notice that they are impacting you. Not saying being honest and having manipulate your behaviour is bad, only that it's automatic and you may not detect it. It's almost hiding, but protecting you from feeling bad...by automatically being honest.
In this way I think you can implicitly be yourself without knowing it and this is a emotional protection mechanism. I also like to feel that everything I get, every experience I feel and every situation, is a direct result of me making it so, I get a lot from doing things myself. My character does some implicitly protection to aid this, most times without me knowing: I avoid complication, attention and involvement this I guess, is because involvement, complexity most times makes it less easy for me to ensure that I will feel that satisfaction from doing it myself. This protection hides that fact that I trust myself so much for doing and getting through something at hand, and everything and everyone I distrust as being able to make me feel personal achievement.
Actually pretty weird, trying to psychoanalysing yourself... A Healthy exercise I think.
Am I becoming a control freak?
We all have our mechanisms, I guess.
weird huh?