Tried to finish my project this weekend. I didn't. But that's ok. Woke to Bobby Darrin's Splish Splash which is such a feel good song. Had a 4ish km run on Friday which was tough, I don't know why. Went for another on Saturday which was just as shin-splintering. I guess some days are just better than others...

Watched Troy, ordered out and pretty much chilled. Most of my Saturday(the productive part) was spent in Java - must have blown my mind as after the first question, I was really I over it. I guess it's just the time it takes to follow every single minute instruction that I need to which is boring. I guess it has to be done but not by me, then - it'll have to be done today and tomorrow. that's ok.

Read some more ZAMM(Zen And the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance ) last night before bed. I probably understand 60-70% of Pheadrus's investigation into Quality and its relations with object and subject. It's interesting because it's not me thinking, it's someone else thinking with their heads in the clouds, not mine.

That said, I've brought my other bath-time book with me into the office today, Atlas Shrugged - its huge, it's interesting and thus far, less philosophic than ZAMM but I think it's going to go haywire as I read it - which is probably why I want to read it some more. 'God knows' is ripping my intrigue to pieces and exposing the Borden to which I struggle to overcome with this novel. My mother says she loves this book - different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Had momentary glimpses into my future or at least has thoughts about the next steps on this programmers path and I wondered where I want to be in perhaps 2 years time. I know that at the end of this year, I will have been in England for 5 years. I believe it. It's been great, empowering, self-developing. Everything is possible.

I also had a look at the next opportunity to have a Bungie jump and to my dismay and excitement - its possible to do one in London or just travel to it. I'm both scared and excited by this. Half of me says it's stupid, the other half says, do it I once while you're young...at least do it. The other is Sky Dive. I'm less worried about sky diving be because I'd go attached to someone else - Bungie jumping I'd want to do alone. That's frikken scary.

I feel there is much to report and so little to report at the same time. Strange sensation. I went for a 8km run last night which as part of my rioting has clocked up 18km this week already - very satisfying.

I've been no that busy at work because we're eminently releasing so the less work we do on the product, the less risk we introduce and the more stable and consistent the build will be for release. I brought my Windows laptop in and have installed Windows 8 and been looking at that while haphazardly looking as things reported to be critical enough to fix and take my attention away from mucking about with Windows 8.

I went to the dentist yesterday, got rid of my infection in my tooth but will have to go back. Got an assignment to do. Haven't done it - my weekend's goal.

Been sleeping well, very good - few off occurrences of waking up in the middle of the night but things should improve. Applied for my provisional driving license this week - I will be getting a motorcycle this year in the hope that I can set off at the end of it for touring England and Europe. This is one of my goals.

Still reading, which helps with any downtime and still renders it quality time and lately I've also been making childish progress in my 3DS game while in the office.

We, as a development team, got what the British informally come to call a 'right bollocking' which is basically telling off; this was because we've delayed our release 2 times already and it's still not perfect yet. That sucked.

The other thing that's been on my mind recently, inspired by a conversation I had with someone. The bottom line is that if you're not getting what you want from what you do, is it worth trying to change yourself to accommodate this and make something fit that doesn't fit?
It seems that an initial reaction to this is that giving up work based on this is not a real answer. However, the more I think about it, the more I realise that it is: You should get what you want, if you're not getting it, sure see if you can see if you need to try and get it, if that fails or is too much hassle - go get something that gives you what you want. That's the whole reason we have choice, to choice what we want to get. With work, this should be no different.

Started to realise that one of my quality books is becoming boring, I don't know if that's because I'm not entirely following it - maybe reading it in bits and pieces is not the way to do it. But I will give it a chance and get back to it soon; might be good to start reading my alternative book.

Got to send my passport to the DVLA for my provisional license. Loathed to do this. Once a passport is lost in transit, it is lost. I would be really up the creek without a passport. I'll have to do it. Will try to minimise the risk though, with delivery options etc..

I still haven't booked any holiday :-)

Woke up this morning without the furious distraction that had detached my environment during my night run last night. That said, I covered 5.77km which is well, 5.77km and the past two runs this week on average about the same. This is a good story.

I bought a new book about the Crusades. I've always been drawn to wanting to know more about these religious and thus far, to me, enigmatic battles and reason. Started reading in a coffee shop in Liverpool Street train station. The nice thing about reading is that it's not demanding your attention, if anything your attention is demanding to read - provided, of course, you have a quality book.

I was a bit concerned by my apparent detachment, during my run. So much so I needed to rationalise its effects on me and everyone. This became a self studious ambition, most of which occurred in the bath on my iPad.

I have a passage of text that I found I had constructed to describe my apparent focused, detachment from the world that had bothered me on the way home last night. The exercise was to rationalise the experience by removing any emotional subjectivity like "it just felt wierd" or "the atmosphere was almost deathly" with something more rational. This way I know it would make sense to everyone who reads it.
What's weird is that I'm not a rational person, I'm an emotional person, who indulges in romantic thoughts, so it was strange to have this sudden desire to sleep with the enemy.

"Basically it is an enigma as to what was on my mind. I seemed focused, uninterested, detached but polite and had bouts surfacing character indicating odd reintroductions into old normal self. This indicates a Continual immersive preoccupation. I am aware of the underlying goals. I became aware of my unusual preoccupation and surfaced it as to remedy any misconception that it may have caused. I did express my enjoyment."

Now, with that said;it seems fitting that when I don't quite understand stuff, I revert to my romantic thoughts and evade all classical objective or scientific reason. So to this effect it seems fitting to quote my eternal associate, Thoreau, that "man leads a life of quite desperation" be that of ones future, current emotional considerations or anything that makes things seem unclear or seemingly incomprehensible.

I woke up at 8am this morning, dreamed that I was on a motorcycle traveling throughout Europe. I rolled over and pulled my iPad out and started reading up on getting a provisional licence. I think I WILL buy a motorcycle and do this, this year. Its an investment into quality living. I think that this is what was on my mind, in a way, last night: the yearning for more quality in my life, this is the desperation Thoreau was talking about. I'm not talking about relationships with other people, in talking about quality relationship with yourself and your world and ones mind. This is what is quality. Quality time.

I woke up again at 11:30am and continued reading my book, because this is quality time, I read about one mans experiences and the quality of interpreting ones experiences. It's about wondering why you are crazy, why searching for truth and wondering why, when you are honest without self, why what you come up with is crazy. It's about discovering differences about yourself which are diffirent from anything and which no one is prepared to persevere to understand, except you. A journey into higher thought, through the abstract that has not yet been defined for man, will let man think you are crazy, I guess.

The iPad is great for this - I left my kindle at work but could continue reading at home on the iPad.

The psychology of everything in the world at times threatens to destroy your emaculate perception of the world, threaten to replace the normality of definition of this world with the desire to know about the unknown, unexplored and difficult. The release from today's constraints, eases a man to persue questions without any answers yet. Ands it at those times that you perhaps think that you are happiest alone with these questions to your life.

A goal in my life is to experience quality. The pursuit of happiness is born out of this.