Stuff at work was working that yesterday wasn't which was great and was feeling amped. I knew I had an appointment to have a full body massage which I was just keen on trying as I'd never had one, so around 12:40 am I headed out, found a ATM, grabbed some cash and I don't know why but felt sorta wierd just handing cash to pay for something, like services rendered so I grabbed envelope from the office and stuck it in there. Wierd but there you go.

Also, in hind sight, while looking for a image for this post, I noticed the sheer lack of men in those pictures so I thinking I'm a bit weird for having tried it.
So, I walked in, and I approached the massage room, knocked on the door and was greeted by the massage therapist anxiously because only a few minutes ago I had surfed the web to kind of get a handle on what I should come to expect or what etiquette was expected as I've never had a full body massage before, so I checked about the whole going butt-naked-except-for- -a-towl thing and I must be honest I was getting real nervous even then.

I kinda wondered If I'd get a row of warm stones put up the centre of my back or something like that, and if they were too hot would I spastically "go ape" and frantically fling them off...Thankfully I didn't persue that possible eventuality or any contingency or strategise any back up plans as this wasnt included. Anyway, as I entered the massage room - I said hi and explained my lack of experience in these matters. She told me not to worry and essentially told me to undress and put on a towl while she left to do something, which I did and when she came back I was transformed and felt pretty wierd. I got on my stomach on the bench which I guess was going to be the "work area" and was quite chuffed that I mastered the climb onto it without loosing my dignity. So I got on the table, carefully like I suppose a stick insect with a towl on, stiffly and awkwardly positioned myself as to not expose myself because now I was quite aware how little I had on. After that milestone, I sighed a sigh of relief only moments later to be broken by, "I'm going to have to unloosen the towl" which was the only thing that brought confidence thus far to my whole naked-in-towl experience because i knew that the "wrap-and-tuck" effort i did i was quite proud of and was second to none and that it wasn't going to slip off in any hurry. I got through the transition from "tucked-in" to "resting-on" concept ok though with still much apprehension.

It's so strange having a new person I don't know in that position, I dunno but must be that I'm just not use to it. She then started rubbing by lower and upper back. Things had kicked off, things were looking up for me, so I thought that Id at least say something about stuff as she did her thing, also because it'd be rather boring for both of us if it was real silent. My face was wedged in the gap in the bench and everything sorta seemed to have worked itself out thus far. I had conquered "the climb", "the unwrap" and though still nervous about me being the semi-clad naked gorilla i was covered merly by this flimsey towl, we started chatting about stuff, generally obscure stuff initially because my start-off conversation generaly is a car crash waiting to happen.

I experienced awareness when she took hold my butt with the palms of her hands. Actually, I got such a huge fright - I must have shown it as she told me to relax, which I tried, then not satisfied with my attempt, she told me to unclench. This was particularly difficult - once a butt is clenched I found, it's very difficult to go back to normal. Fright and butt "clenchness" go hand-on-hand. So reluctantly I re-remembered how to consciously do this voluntarily and then subconciously instructed my butt muscle to relax. I unclinched successfully, it was a great success.

Then she moved on and after sparking a very nice, light-hearted conversation and enjoying hearing her laugh at various pieces of junk I came out with, the "turn over", unbeknown to me was due and approaching fast...

She told me to turn over.

Huh? What?

So after working out that she was lifting the towl a certain way as to not expose me in the turn over movement, I anxiously turned over, knowing very well still that I had gotten myself into this naked state and how it was only lunch time and how it felt like I was still at work and how awkward this was. After the casual "everything is fine" front I put on, i turned over. She started pummelled more and I wondered if my shape might change when I walk out(or roll out). We agreed that we should go for drinks sometime and how uptight some people are who take massages are and how that's not me and we started talking about various stuff, relationships and our experiences of them and other easier conversations. The mood had got decidedly better.

After a bit, I was laughing, she was laughing and it was ok. Seemed like we had found our rhythm and the conversation was fun, and I really started to enjoy it enough to forget about the massage. After a great half an hour of conversation it was time to finish. This was an hour long session. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get up after she stopped as my body had gone into a sort of semi limbo state.


Then when she had finished, I sat straight up, and I don't know for the life of me how this happened, but I gave out what seemed like an absolutely earth-shattering-ear-cracker of a fart! Which in reality was subtle but as it was noticeable it might as well have been a mountain that had just crashed down!

She looked at me with this bewildered look, probably matched by my own surprised-embarrassed expression(trying frantically in my mind to figure where the hell that possibly came from) as we looked blankly at each other for a moment which seemed like a lifetime. I casually I said, sorry/excuse me and made a bit of a joke and then she said, "...That's never happened to me." Which is now humorously etched into my subconscious! To be honest I didn't quite know what to say myself as my lips I think got stuck in absolute Shoke/horror-bemusement. She was real gracious about it and we just carried on really. I joked that after the message I felt more comfortable than when we started, maybe a little too comfortable I added. We laughed. I wearily managed to laugh. Actually stuck about a while to finish a conversation we had started which we both enjoyed and it still seemed OK but deep down my confidence had done a spectacular U-turn and was on the retreat having suffered heavy casualties, and their was nothing i could do about it. The little voice in my head telling me how much of an idiot I was every two seconds from that point onwards. Basically if I had a stupid-me-o-meter strung up around my forehead, I was blatantly in the red and over-clocking it as I tried to maintain what composure I could muster...

We ended on a surprisingly comfortable note, having chatted at the end as if it didnt happen. But I knew it was disastrous.

For the rest if the day, I couldn't stop the thought of it - I knew that *I* was that guy...

My first dabble in massage therapy had hit off badly and I'm thinking that I should never get that comfortable in front of a woman again...

I suppose now we both have a story to tell.

I'm such an idiot.

Basically my whole day was a total and utterly gigaflop. My dev build broke, my computer was playing hard ball and this meant that i essentially and fundamentally nothing really worked as it would have of I was having a good day. Not a total trainsmash in the big scheme of things but in terms of productivity - a big fat zero-schmeero. Having said that, as per usual stuff started working at the end of the day... Cool stuff got working at the end of the day, so as I watched folks pack their stuff and go around 17:30 I was intrigued by my success and sooner or later I was alone with my monitor, both of us eager to continue, then I realised that I'd not gymed for at least two days.
The thought then started to irritate me...I'm at a cross roads. Do I or don't I continue my round of recent success and leave late and miss gym or do I eject myself from the office and head to the gym, abandoning my new found karma?

So, here I am. On the train home, off to the gym, and I think I've progressed...

Weird though, how not working out becomes noticeable, ok especially if the day before you lounged about watching movies all night! But seriously, I actually feel that I'd prefer to go the gym and feel I've contributed. Wonder if I crave the adrenaline? dunno.

Apart from that critical achievement, I've got a full body massage tomorrow so I'll see how much I can do tonight(within reason) and see how the massage helps out. I'm thinking if I can just get a few stiff muscles in the morning, the massage could help?? Will have to wait and see.

Did some small enhancements to my site which means it looks a little more typical in a good sense, in terms of layout - its better organised. So like there is a standard set of icons to follow me on twitter and subscribe to my posts via email. It looks pretty cool-like and the email subscription stuff all works of google feedburner so that's ok.

I'm so glad In able to VPN into the office, because that means I can carry on where I left off this evening after I come back from gym. Ok sure, not the best way for some to send a evening usually(going straight back to work) but with my mess up day today, it's kinda essential and cool to be able to do it.

Loser :-)

Watched "Seven years in Tibet" which is pretty inspiring and does story telling a great service by portraying a moving life, seemingly real and accurate experiences of a man changing. I draw parallels to my life at times.

It got me thinking about how I want my life to be honest. I even woke up this morning thinking about it. Googled the Dalai Lama straight after the movie. I think Tibet is still a real tricky situation, what with all the recent activity and ongoing protests. Looks like His Holiness The Dalai Lama has resigned his governmental-in-exile's control of Tibet in favour of an elected representative body for political reasons etc... wikipedia

One thing I've always liked knowing is life is temporary, it will run out. This drives me to enjoy each and every predicament in life.

I'm listening to my elected favourite Foo Fighters song from my iPod while sitting nessled in the tube with all these strange people around and I can't quite help but wonder am I a doing enough in my life? Probably a healthy challenge to put to yourself from time to time.

I'll be 25 in 6 months. Time is running out.