It's rush hour on the tube. That's about 08:00 to 09:00. There are two things noteworthy about rush hour. 1) There are a lot of people trying to get places in this hour more so than any other hour or time. Space is a premium. Seating? Gobbled up before you even step onto the train. People stand in the aisles. It gets hot. The train strains under the increased load and sometimes halts because people press up on the doors and activate the door safety sensors.

It's pretty intense. People get irate - not like in traffic, not to that extent, but they get irritable. Actually, it's quite funny how polite people on the tube despite the 'traffic'. Real Road rage sees a totally different animal evolve from human form not seen on the underground. We're a kind of sophisticated bunch.

Anyways, that said, space is tight, bodies line each other, the few that are seated are envied by those standing for the duration of their journey - but a fair, they-got-there-first kind of envy. The kind that knows that "well, it could be me tomorrow in that seat" - anything goes.

I wake up at 05:00, run to the gym at around 05:37, go to the gym at 06:00 and start roughly at 06:04(at 06:03 I'm exiting the changing room) and I leave the gym at about 07:00 and get home at about 07:15 and I'm out of the house by 08:15 and I'm probably in the tube at around 08:30 - right smack bang in the middle of rush hour. Luckily, I get a seat most days because I'm at the beginning of the line. The rest down the line, well they load up the train at each stop.

Now, if you're pregnant, there is a unwritten law, with no exceptions that you get a seat - always. Even if you're not noticed, someone will ensure that you are. Nice, sophisticated bunch we are. When we get closer to the end of the line - people have great difficulty getting on. They start getting anxious and some will vocalise their discontent and insist that people move down the carriages to make more space. A legitimate request at times, however being rush hour, space is already severely limited and people cannot move down any more.

There used to be an equally unwritten law that was that if there was someone substantially older than you who was standing, you'd be obliged to offer your seat to them. Typically, these would be those within the age range of about 50-60. Still quite able but out of curiosity, you'd give up your seat. These were the 'middle' aged. I'll come come back to these later.

Obviously, like the pregnant, those that are less able(dare I say disabled) or the notably old(70+) are still given almost undisputed seating priority. That 'middle' aged group has seen somewhat of a change in attitude towards their plight. Firstly, offering your seat to a lady of this group would indicate that she was 'older', something

Some things I do, I wouldn't do with anyone but me.

Things like browsing books at a bookstore - that's an easy one. So is reading a book. I'm talking about the less easier ones perhaps. These ones, specifically are the ones I can squeeze all the goodness and joy out of, by myself, and because of it, I love doing them by myself.

I like drinking coffee by myself most times. I like walking through gardens and paths alone. Taking that idea further, I prefer to run by myself. I like listening to music through my headphones to be by myself.
I like these singular comforts of this world - it provides a quietness of mind that no yet has been able to provide.

Something about sharing with others detracts somewhat. This last statement might sound strange to some. Not to me.

Perhaps it's the toll of empathy: the duty perhaps or feeling, that ones own feelings and emotions must mirror those around you - so you can relate to them - so they can relate to you.

For example, if I was to walk through a garden path in London, say the Embankment gardens with someone, and while admiring the atmosphere the, designs or some other general sense of emotion conjured up from the garden, while drinking perhaps a warm coffee, in between the general hum of motorway traffic - an external, offbeat comment about 'the girl from work' and how she's so terrible and how people sucks or what's wrong with the world - I guess, that bothers me.

Perhaps all things bother me when they are in contrast to my own feelings and thoughts at the time. That's what some people do.

Perhaps it's selfish of me: I don't want to worry about other's thoughts, feelings or emotions - I want my interpretation to be the only one I experience. And as such, I consciously aim prevent myself having to 'use' their views and emotions. Interesting thought, non-the-less.

I like waking up by myself because I know that it's only me who is responsible for my drive in life to get up. I don't rely on anyone. I like working out at the gym by myself so that no one will prevent me from doing my routine.

I like being alone when I'm sick, because I can be as slow or fast at being sick as I want or tardy as I want. I don't have to think about others - I remember once, I went with my friends family to a game reserve somewhere in South Africa. It was great, though one morning I felt really unwell and didn't want to do anything but continue to sleep/rest. That morning however, was a scheduled 'Game drive' and I remember feeling so terrible that I sent word that I wanted to skip the drive. I told my friends mother I was hurting inside, unwell and would like to stay.

I remember then how she insisted that I go, that it would be lovely, that they'd love it that I come and some other story about it being scheduled etc... the worse part was it was all over and above my well being(condition) like it wasn't even a criteria. I was hurting real bad and just then I felt this feeling of unrequited, unacceptable unfairness. I'll never forget it - I did what would make her happy and in the end it made me unhappy. I'll never forget it. And it happened a few times in my life since then, people taking for granted my 'weakness' to ensure their wellbeing. I could never understand that - people doing something on purpose, at your expense to get one up on you. It's almost bad manners, rude and unconscionable. But sadly I believe it now.

I don't let it happen anymore. A tough, unfair lesson about some people and how we must fit into the human social order of things. When I think of myself now, and of society and my place in it - I'm an anti pattern.

People generally don't make me feel 'better' or 'make' me happy.
I become happy due some or other state of being. I don't think I'm really influenced by people in this way.

I think because they are at odds with the general sentiments that I value, people can't really make me happy. Weird.

I do admire people's achievements however, and those people that don't take others for granted - but that's about it. I dislike people that cheat.

As soon as I see-sense some sort of disrespect like that - I'm out!

I do like some people and don't mind being around them. The rest, well - because I can't avoid them, they will irritate me or indeed are very different to me (attitude and opinions) in some way and then I try my best to avoid them or at least, start planning my exit strategy.

Truth is, you need to focus on what is important to you...I wonder if the real question is for how long? Or do you continually do it in a cycle throughout your life and it's not really a question? Perhaps it's about how much you are willing to compromise.

Selfish perhaps.