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- Category: Blog
- By Stuart Mathews
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Started reading a new book. Having a new salad box lunch routine of late. They have a mix of the most awesome pips, seeds, cheese, lentils and other wierd, low fat I guess, stuff that I'm not used to but because of that I think it is pretty nice. Throw some chicken, and fruit juice mixed with a nice quiet city lunch time spot, my book and I'm pretty happy. I take my lunch breaks, nobody takes them for me so I figured I should do it myself. Besides It gets me away from computers, air conditioning and people I have to know. The nice thing about strangers is you don't need to know them, and they're quite.
Bought a new pair of headphones which is super great because my other broke. I don't like buying things I don't need but if it breaks due to wear and tear then it's well used and its ok to move on: I got a bluetooth, running, sweat-proof, easy fitting, super great replacement and now sometimes I get into the office and just put them back on during the days coding(obviously I say hello to everybody).
Met my new neighbour the other day. that was nice. Federer won Winbledon. that was also nice. I cleaned my apartment. That's nice edging on not so nice. I just came back from work, a 6.77km jog from waterloo in the rain, then sunshine at the end and an ice cream(strawberry) so that was pretty nice instead of just nice. South bank really is magical after a rain and then sunshine reflecting in puddles...real nice. I had my fortune read today(I read it), "There will be big changes for you but you will be happy." That's nice I thought...
I'm reading this book about a kid who looses his dad in the 911 terrorist attacks and how he's life is. The other one was about a kid who was autistic. I'm done with that one. It was good. I guess I've realised that people's thoughts are kinda like dialogs for readers. Maybe everyone should write books. But it's not Facebook. Dunno.
We released our new version of our software. It was pretty nice. We came to work in Hawaiian theme. I work blue deck shoes, blue rolled up shirt, shorts and I even bought a pair of £15 sunglasses that I didn't use, haven't used but maybe might use in the future. Thats pretty much all I want to say about that.
I'm ignoring a lot of things at the moment but focusing on a lot of things too. I guess, the problem with that is that your life just happens without you sometimes and other times it seems that you're not doing the right things. This is that epic battle, the generals draw up in their strategy meetings but this time is its me who sits at those meetings. It's kinda like scoping work at the office, certain things get sized, prioritised, others get cut, ignored, held-back. It's like that, life is. The thing though, is that you attend those meetings...
Had a good conversation with my mother.
Bought a new pair of headphones which is super great because my other broke. I don't like buying things I don't need but if it breaks due to wear and tear then it's well used and its ok to move on: I got a bluetooth, running, sweat-proof, easy fitting, super great replacement and now sometimes I get into the office and just put them back on during the days coding(obviously I say hello to everybody).
Met my new neighbour the other day. that was nice. Federer won Winbledon. that was also nice. I cleaned my apartment. That's nice edging on not so nice. I just came back from work, a 6.77km jog from waterloo in the rain, then sunshine at the end and an ice cream(strawberry) so that was pretty nice instead of just nice. South bank really is magical after a rain and then sunshine reflecting in puddles...real nice. I had my fortune read today(I read it), "There will be big changes for you but you will be happy." That's nice I thought...
I'm reading this book about a kid who looses his dad in the 911 terrorist attacks and how he's life is. The other one was about a kid who was autistic. I'm done with that one. It was good. I guess I've realised that people's thoughts are kinda like dialogs for readers. Maybe everyone should write books. But it's not Facebook. Dunno.
We released our new version of our software. It was pretty nice. We came to work in Hawaiian theme. I work blue deck shoes, blue rolled up shirt, shorts and I even bought a pair of £15 sunglasses that I didn't use, haven't used but maybe might use in the future. Thats pretty much all I want to say about that.
I'm ignoring a lot of things at the moment but focusing on a lot of things too. I guess, the problem with that is that your life just happens without you sometimes and other times it seems that you're not doing the right things. This is that epic battle, the generals draw up in their strategy meetings but this time is its me who sits at those meetings. It's kinda like scoping work at the office, certain things get sized, prioritised, others get cut, ignored, held-back. It's like that, life is. The thing though, is that you attend those meetings...
Had a good conversation with my mother.
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- Category: Blog
- By Stuart Mathews
- Hits: 2184
I've been doing some pretty good runs lately. The run of good runs started with me down in Dorset and I've been doing great since - 3 runs since really. I'm not always accompanied by my fairly regular running friends as I think running hasn't the appeal it did. So I'm solo and I get to listen to my playlists which is kinda cool. It's important to be regular, in terms of how often you run so I just keep going - Monday, Wednesday and like today which is Friday.
I had a hair cut yesterday which was like discovering myself again. I had been in between deciding to grow it longer or cut it and while I remained undecided I wore it longer, side parted it but now I'm way over it. Had an Electrician come in yesterday to get my kitchen lights working. Learned alot. Won't be forking out £80 to hire him again; The dimmer light module went bad and just needed to be replaced. Anyway I now have my kitchen back, not for cooking oh no - I don't cook, unless I'm feeling self inflicting but I have my sorta computer deck back. It's wierd I hang out in the kitchen and sit there on my laptop(or stand) and I prefer it. Wierd. Had a bowl of breakfast, Cheerios, and a cup of coffee and a toffee low fat yoghurt. Not bad.
Found myself learning through teaching recently at work. Pretty cool but have recently neglected my lunch breaks fully. So I went for a full 1 hour lunch the other day, brought my kindle and started to read one of the books my mom read recently(we share the same books in our kindles) and I'm loving it. My lunch breaks are quite, less frantic and business and more outside, food and reading, peace and calm. I like that. The actual book is called "The mysterious case of the dog in the night" or something like that. I phoned my mom yesterday evening to tell her that. I also spoke to my dad about Linux. I actually re-started reading recently on the train to Weymouth with me continuing Zen and the art Motorcycle maintenance which I'm finding quite hard work. Ive had that on pause for a while, sane with The Idiot...never mind I'll come back to them.
The other day I had to travel to Stanstead airport to fetch luggage that my cousin left as she couldn't take it on the plane. I was cool with that - it was long but it was quite and peaceful. The nice thing about being alone is your evenings are all yours and you can do anything. I decided to not fetch them on the day they departed and instead fetched them about 2 days ago. No one telling me when I have to collect them, I decided when I wanted to. Sometimes I think it's necessary to do what you want, decide what you want and do it. People call this being selfish but I think that's only when other people are involved in your decisions...my decisions are just mine. There is a book that I've never read about what it calls the 'Selfish gene' and how it is instrumental to animal evolution...but whatever, right?
It's Friday today and I'm psyched. I got home last night and after meeting my neighbour below me(because I wanted to know if he was experiencing any electrical issues as I was) and the Electrician left, I sat down, switched MTV on and carried programming on my laptop while the TV carried away in front of me. It's times like this that I know that that's what I'm doing and a little incling says thy I should do more...
I've just discovered that I'm on the wrong train. This is Waterloo. I must have been on the Charring Cross Branch of the north bound northern line... So I'm doing a new route today.
I'm feeling really pretty boring of late. I'm being boring, I'm not bored. Im just not fun to be around right now. I feel this way but I'm ok with it. Really I like it. It's a relief. Like for example, I'm not really up for the sports fun day our company is planning. I'm a loser really - I should be up for it right? Also I'm not really up for going out that much recently(like in he last 2 weeks), like to have a beer or something. I'm basically ok though with it, but I'm sorta happy about it but then I'm sorta cautious that I'm so cool about that. It's like I'm letting go a bit. Then again, reasonably I've been involved with so much recently, with people, with moving, having people around, going to wedding, helping out contractors, getting electrician in an all the stuff that I've been doing. I'm sorta anti it now. Maybe I'm just on the defensive right now because of that. But you know what? That's ok.
Played Xbox today in the office and as part of my new defensive passiveness I wasn't eager to involve everyone around me, they just watched and I just played and I wasn't too actively involved in the background conversations and that's was cool. It's wierd, I think I'm so done with facilitating people that I'm just not up for it right now. And I kinda think if that's the mood I'm in, there in no point putting myself in positions right now(like this sports day) where I'll have to exercise all that right now I'm not into. And people dont want me to be boring, even though I think I need it.
That said, I'm super keen to run home tonight!
I had a hair cut yesterday which was like discovering myself again. I had been in between deciding to grow it longer or cut it and while I remained undecided I wore it longer, side parted it but now I'm way over it. Had an Electrician come in yesterday to get my kitchen lights working. Learned alot. Won't be forking out £80 to hire him again; The dimmer light module went bad and just needed to be replaced. Anyway I now have my kitchen back, not for cooking oh no - I don't cook, unless I'm feeling self inflicting but I have my sorta computer deck back. It's wierd I hang out in the kitchen and sit there on my laptop(or stand) and I prefer it. Wierd. Had a bowl of breakfast, Cheerios, and a cup of coffee and a toffee low fat yoghurt. Not bad.
Found myself learning through teaching recently at work. Pretty cool but have recently neglected my lunch breaks fully. So I went for a full 1 hour lunch the other day, brought my kindle and started to read one of the books my mom read recently(we share the same books in our kindles) and I'm loving it. My lunch breaks are quite, less frantic and business and more outside, food and reading, peace and calm. I like that. The actual book is called "The mysterious case of the dog in the night" or something like that. I phoned my mom yesterday evening to tell her that. I also spoke to my dad about Linux. I actually re-started reading recently on the train to Weymouth with me continuing Zen and the art Motorcycle maintenance which I'm finding quite hard work. Ive had that on pause for a while, sane with The Idiot...never mind I'll come back to them.
The other day I had to travel to Stanstead airport to fetch luggage that my cousin left as she couldn't take it on the plane. I was cool with that - it was long but it was quite and peaceful. The nice thing about being alone is your evenings are all yours and you can do anything. I decided to not fetch them on the day they departed and instead fetched them about 2 days ago. No one telling me when I have to collect them, I decided when I wanted to. Sometimes I think it's necessary to do what you want, decide what you want and do it. People call this being selfish but I think that's only when other people are involved in your decisions...my decisions are just mine. There is a book that I've never read about what it calls the 'Selfish gene' and how it is instrumental to animal evolution...but whatever, right?
It's Friday today and I'm psyched. I got home last night and after meeting my neighbour below me(because I wanted to know if he was experiencing any electrical issues as I was) and the Electrician left, I sat down, switched MTV on and carried programming on my laptop while the TV carried away in front of me. It's times like this that I know that that's what I'm doing and a little incling says thy I should do more...
I've just discovered that I'm on the wrong train. This is Waterloo. I must have been on the Charring Cross Branch of the north bound northern line... So I'm doing a new route today.
I'm feeling really pretty boring of late. I'm being boring, I'm not bored. Im just not fun to be around right now. I feel this way but I'm ok with it. Really I like it. It's a relief. Like for example, I'm not really up for the sports fun day our company is planning. I'm a loser really - I should be up for it right? Also I'm not really up for going out that much recently(like in he last 2 weeks), like to have a beer or something. I'm basically ok though with it, but I'm sorta happy about it but then I'm sorta cautious that I'm so cool about that. It's like I'm letting go a bit. Then again, reasonably I've been involved with so much recently, with people, with moving, having people around, going to wedding, helping out contractors, getting electrician in an all the stuff that I've been doing. I'm sorta anti it now. Maybe I'm just on the defensive right now because of that. But you know what? That's ok.
Played Xbox today in the office and as part of my new defensive passiveness I wasn't eager to involve everyone around me, they just watched and I just played and I wasn't too actively involved in the background conversations and that's was cool. It's wierd, I think I'm so done with facilitating people that I'm just not up for it right now. And I kinda think if that's the mood I'm in, there in no point putting myself in positions right now(like this sports day) where I'll have to exercise all that right now I'm not into. And people dont want me to be boring, even though I think I need it.
That said, I'm super keen to run home tonight!
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- Category: Blog
- By Stuart Mathews
- Hits: 2174
So this weekend was a wedding in Dorset. It between(a wedding is between two people?) my cousin and his now wife. I went down and it took 3 hours to get there...Holy Moses! Everything was good/fine/normal which I imagine is everything anyone ever wants. My house turned into a Guest house and base for my guests and that was fine. I'm no host, I have the essentials in my house and at times not even those are essential. That's bachelor life for you.
Someone once told me that I was a bear, who has yet to grow into his own paws. Roughly translated that means that I'm not really used to myself, or see myself as a bear, if I was one. Obviously. And this is the journey I make each day in my life;matching what is on the outside with what is missing on the inside. Each decision I make slowly carves away at the solid block inside me and shows what is really there.
Take for example me in the last couple of years. I've been looking and finding at time, and not finding at times, the tools I need to work this block inside me. One thing that I've learned is to be reasonable. Reasonability makes you determine what is OK, feasible and more importantly fair to your beliefs. When you can be reasonable, I think as a person you can do things in moderation and can keep a balance and making sure you get what you want. Because realising what you want is realising what you will carve out of your block. Wanting it and ensuring you and everything around you can benefit and if not benefit then be not affected by it. Small decisions that previously irrespective on which way you went would not be definitive, where each way seems plausible and ok and left you all twisted inside now are transformed into directed ideas and the way to go is obvious but it is only so because you've wrapped your decision in Reasonability which beautifully warrants your underlying thoughts and feelings. Because sometimes you feel a certain way but can't convince yourself that a decision is right because you don't know if it reflects really how you feel or you do but it does something else which equally you are ok with but might have added benefits. Point being is when you're reasonable, you can weigh everything in a scale, and pick off the bits that are too heavy.
I think it's a function much of confidence to find out what you want, what more important to you and then weigh everything out and be ok(because its reasonable) with what you pick off. Sure, it's not just this but say understanding yourself - understanding that you want to make yourself get this or that from the world. That takes time to figure that out. That takes life.
This Weekend I invested in what I thought was reasonable, and the thing about Reasonability is that most times people can understand it, as it clear that if it's too heavy, one needs to pick things off. They would go through it too. other times it's only reasonable to you...I won't say much about this.
That's all I have to say about this and I don't feel like talking about anything else...or it's still percolating up in there.
Someone once told me that I was a bear, who has yet to grow into his own paws. Roughly translated that means that I'm not really used to myself, or see myself as a bear, if I was one. Obviously. And this is the journey I make each day in my life;matching what is on the outside with what is missing on the inside. Each decision I make slowly carves away at the solid block inside me and shows what is really there.
Take for example me in the last couple of years. I've been looking and finding at time, and not finding at times, the tools I need to work this block inside me. One thing that I've learned is to be reasonable. Reasonability makes you determine what is OK, feasible and more importantly fair to your beliefs. When you can be reasonable, I think as a person you can do things in moderation and can keep a balance and making sure you get what you want. Because realising what you want is realising what you will carve out of your block. Wanting it and ensuring you and everything around you can benefit and if not benefit then be not affected by it. Small decisions that previously irrespective on which way you went would not be definitive, where each way seems plausible and ok and left you all twisted inside now are transformed into directed ideas and the way to go is obvious but it is only so because you've wrapped your decision in Reasonability which beautifully warrants your underlying thoughts and feelings. Because sometimes you feel a certain way but can't convince yourself that a decision is right because you don't know if it reflects really how you feel or you do but it does something else which equally you are ok with but might have added benefits. Point being is when you're reasonable, you can weigh everything in a scale, and pick off the bits that are too heavy.
I think it's a function much of confidence to find out what you want, what more important to you and then weigh everything out and be ok(because its reasonable) with what you pick off. Sure, it's not just this but say understanding yourself - understanding that you want to make yourself get this or that from the world. That takes time to figure that out. That takes life.
This Weekend I invested in what I thought was reasonable, and the thing about Reasonability is that most times people can understand it, as it clear that if it's too heavy, one needs to pick things off. They would go through it too. other times it's only reasonable to you...I won't say much about this.
That's all I have to say about this and I don't feel like talking about anything else...or it's still percolating up in there.
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