This is mostly about other stuff and not about Kim Kardashian's butt.

I've had about 7 days off from exercise due to my coming down with a cold. I loathe it when this happens but its actually quite good to take a break from something you do so often. I think psychologically as much as physically. This has meant that I've pulled back from the gym in the mornings and missed my long run on Wednesday.  I always wonder if there was something I could have done to prevent getting sick - could I have not been eating correctly, or was it that I didn't wash my hands enough or am I not sleeping enough? Can you really prevent being ill?

This does coincide with it starting to become colder and I think there is a theory that this helps in getting ill. I've not really thought about why but there you are.

I'm also thinking that when I go back to training, that I'll switch my training program.

I'll switch from what has mainly been a heavily resistance-orientated program to a more well-rounded program. This means that I'll be focusing on a balanced set of training exercises that improve the various areas in fitness, not just strength. So this will include Flexibility, Endurance, Skill, Stamina, Strength, Speed and Power etc. My usual routine is normally doesn't include power moves, agility and speed and it's these that I'll focus on. Currently, I do 3 days of 1.5 hours of resistance exercise and 20 minutes of running and on a Saturday I do around 2h of resistance training. Usually what I do is after my main training session, is to go for a 20-minute run which sort of helps me with my endurance(and helps me get home!)

The other things that have been on my mind are finishing my next assignments for Software Engineering and Continuing Professional Development,(CPD)  both of which have deadlines in December. I've effectively had to rewrite my one assignment which was a bit of pain. The reason was that as part of the CPD I have to study a theory of learning an apply it to past CPD activities I'd done. As it turns out, I wanted to reflect on my past software development activities and projects and work etc as I thought this would be a great way to assess what I've done. Turns out, that I had far too much stuff to reflect on and the Tutor was uncomfortable accepting so much work.

So I did a whole bunch of writing for nothing in this respect. In another respect, I actually enjoyed doing it but that meant that I had to do it again but this time on a much more narrower form of CPD - My degree. That being said, I was able to reference some of the other personal projects I did so all was not lost.

I've found some time to study Understanding how the Linq query syntax works because there is a difference in understanding how it works and just using it because it works. I also found an interesting use of an extension method on a nullable type which I describe in Nullable checking in the Wild-West which was interesting. And I've also been working on my Game Engine ideas with regards to Direct X programming.

I'm also looking potentially at rewriting my C library because I don't use it anymore which is mostly because I don't write as much C and C++ as I used to and because I don't like some of the ways I implemented it. For example, I don't need the threading layer now because C11 now includes a cross-platform implementation of threading. And I also don't like my naming conventions and I'd like to add more data structures like black-red trees which is heavily used in the Linux kernel. I also started thinking maybe I should write it in C++ which lead me to write about C++ in Complex or Elaborate

I've not been able to be as productive in my programming side-projects as I'd otherwise like to these days because of the studies, training and work but I'm getting there. I drew up some pictures of some of the concepts I'm grappling within Direct X mostly to do with the idea of defining vertex data, writing that to vertex buffers and having those buffers sent through the 3D graphics pipeline to have them interpreted by vertex and pixel shaders. Pretty interesting stuff but without pictures, my mind usually goes to sleep.

I ordered a 9-cell battery for my laptop because I find that a 1-hour session on the train in the morning to work and back tends to deplete me and my battery by about between Rayners lane and Ruislip. I got it on Friday night and plugged it in and my laptop almost fainted with its new-found power(it couldn't believe it!). I'm just wondering now if I can taking something that will revitalise me at around Rayners Lane too... Anyway, its now got a big, fat bum, (a bit like Kim Kardashian's butt) see here if you like (a picture of the battery, that is)

I also ordered a new SSD drive for my ageing tablet, which I think is so old that the SSD started to fail. After spending like 4 hours figuring out how to get into the guts of my tablet, I was able to see that the SSD was one of these mini-chip-like peripherals about the size of a watch face. I inherited this tablet from a colleague who got it for free by attending a Microsoft Build event - I used it at the time to research Metro and Windows 8 Algorithms for App-DNA back in the day. It's a bit old now but seeing that I can quite happily work on any machine with an SSH connection, it's just absolutely fine. 

So, I took down the serial and looked it up on eBay and found a supplier for a 128Gb card for around 30 pounds. This I thought was reasonable and it that would be double the space I had...bonus! Turns out, it works great, fitted it and installed Ubuntu 14. Not bad, so now I'm getting some good use out of it on my desk at home.

These two are the only computer's I own - the laptop and the tablet. Though, I do have a Rasberry Pi too, which now that I think about would be a perfect project to write a game for. It's a restricted environment so I'd have to use C++ and be careful with my memory and loops. Cool!

In other news, I watched Deadpool, Office Space, Idiocracy and I'm busy reliving my childhood and watching MacGyver which is pretty awesome. I used to watch that every Friday night at 7 pm when I was a kid. Someone at work brought in season 5 DVD for me to watch which I thought was very good of him. I didn't think much of Idiocracy however it was perspective-inducing I guess. Office space was quite enjoyable and Deadpool was OK. 

I've finished playing Fable II and this has been quite a bit of fun, but finding the time do anything apart from studying and work has been difficult which I guess is why doing them is so satisfying. I'll probably move so play Metro: Last light or Dantes Inferno, however, I think its unlikely that I'll have another good attempt until I've finished my assignments..or now that I come to think about it, take some time off.

I watched the new Wreck-it Ralph at the cinema last weekend and I enjoyed it - quite like the first one. It's nice to see how my early childhood fascination with technology is now becoming mainstream as shown in this movie: Its how Ralph breaks the internet and it's cool to see topics like YouTube, Amazon, Instagram, eBay are now embraced in everyday life. This is my life, these are my friends!

Also what I really need to do is find a way to use my Perl knowledge because I've not found a good use for it of late not ever since I finished reading the Camel book earlier this year.

I've also been studying more interesting math facts recently about how to interpret really large numbers like 3212345678998765. Which, is equal to 3 Quadrillion 212 Trillion, 345 Billion, 678 Million, 9998, 765 ! But why?

Legend for the table below:

TH = Thousands, H = Hundreds, T = Tens, U = Units

So it becomes obvious how, where and why occurrences of TH x TH x TH ...n form the named numbers Quadrillion, Trillion, Billion, Million appear in the decimal system and its the iteration of 1000x1000 ⁿ.where n is Bi, Tr, Quad etc... Pretty interesting.

The key that is missing for many students is how Bi(2) meaning 2, Tri(3) meaning 3 , Quad(4) meaning 4, relate to the number it represents.  For example, if you are told that a Quintillion(6) is 10¹⁸ , which you often are, this's not obvious that this is because of 1000x1000⁶ which is 10¹⁸!! I think its a failure of teaching, in general, to explain why certain things are certain things - like this video demonstrates which awesomely demonstrate this failure of teaching: A negative x negative = positive.

The decimal system, in general, is a brilliant system and its all credit to the Indians! Here is something I drew up which puts this system into perspective.

That's pretty much most of what I've been up to recently. Now back to essays and word counts... 

I told my father recently, I had an ever-present fear that either he or my mother would die of a heart attack. As a child, as you get older and your parents get older, you realise that this will eventually happen. 

It is a morbid topic but it's a rational one - as these things are inevitable. But what is one to do about it?

I've been studying about market economies recently, and in the forefront of my mind is the definition of the value of a commodity in markets. I'm certainly not comparing my parents to commodities, though like commodities they appear momentarily only to have a value when it can be lost (or gained). To this end, 'possession' generally is a trait/requirement of value.

Before its it lost forever, we may attempt to enjoy and embellish the time we have with it to fully realise it's value or attempt to improve it. It true that near the upcoming end(if you have the luxury of time), the beginning is remembered quite vaguely but valued most highly and all which isn't about the end, too is valued highly. This makes the end appear to be the destroyer of value.

Life is not a commodity but it has some similar characteristics when its lost.

Moving towards the inevitable end, you think about the value that is to cease to exist - in this case, a parent's life and in the end, that is surely it has ended.

The first expression of these events is that of sadness. Not so much that they will die because the point of death is painless but the sadness is actually more the feeling of your own unfulfilment, of a certain untimely unfulfilment which brought about by the end. This is the essence, I think of the sadness one feels. In this way its easy to be angry about the end or those involved in it.

In most cases generally, not specifically thinking about death, a physical loss of any kind is usually sad or negative and obtaining any 'thing' is usually uplifting, like a birth. If life is seen as an object, this makes death(it's loss) a similar sad experience.

I think this physical loss of a loved one, reminds us of any physical loss of an object and this is why I think the feelings we feel around the loss of life is similar as the loss of an object.

That said, life is not an object...and I feel there is a different way to reason about its loss than one should about the loss of a physical object.

Losing generally, it seems, questions how we see the value that possession we once possessed, physical or otherwise such as life. Our psyche seems to automatically call for a re-evaluation of that value, which is now lost or imminently to be lost(if we are predicting a loss). This need for re-evaluation of its value is a cruel device because it appears to us that that which we valued, we didn't value it enough. The truth of the matter is, that whatever value you had for it was what it was, nothing less and nothing more. If you went back in time, that value would still be the same - its frozen in time. It remains that which it was, in the very least and it was satisfactory then, as it now, in the very least. This is what the cruel re-evaluation prompts you to forget. Sadness makes one miss this viewpoint.

It might be more valuable now but the value then is unchanged. You are faithful to that value then as you are in the very least, to it now.

That being said, this re-evaluation of value now at its end, can give us the impression that we can make it more valuable for that time it existed in the past. It cannot, we cannot. We can perhaps make it more valuable now and moving forward but we cannot change the past's representation of its value. A child's love for a parent of a parent's love for a child is that which it was when it was.

Your view of its value then is set in time forever. As time changes, the fact of the value at that time remains that value at that time. Time cannot change it. You remain faithful to that idea then as you do now, if not more now.

This should be a comfort because you cannot provide more value to it at the time it existed that it had when it existed. You can only give it more value to it in the now since it existed. You cannot regret that you cannot change the truth.

The future is the only opportunity to give it more value, you cannot change its value in the past, it is what it was. In this way, the future is the only way to realise it with increasing value, the only way to celebrate it.

Are you sad because you think you can change the value you feel now, and change the past increase its value to when it existed. You cannot. To repeat myself, It was as valuable then as it is now, and perhaps now more so now but it can never be the value that you now feel it perhaps should be retrospectively. It will always be what it was.

The sadness I think is the manifestation that you think it should but you cannot make it so. This sadness includes regret:

Perhaps regret that you couldn't make their experiences richer and more enjoyable.
Regret that you couldn't make them laugh more.
Regret that you couldn't make them aware that they were fundamentally important to you and that you hope that this makes them enjoy this thought if they can.

But in many cases these things can be rectified and reasoned about in a way loss of a physical object cannot and can help acclimatise to the sadness and perhaps even rationalise about in a satisfactory way such that the sadness is not as penetrating and hurtful. Rationalising these regrets and seeing that perhaps some things were not possible and should not be regretted with such force that otherwise you would do.

It stems essentially, I think, again, less form the loss of a life, but more from the uncertainty you have in not fully knowing if they know how influential and important they have been to your life. Its less about physical loss. Reasoning about these things can help as mentioned above, I think...

If you are yet to lose something, the time to make a fulfilment of that uncertainty is perceived to be quickly running out. When you lose something suddenly, that it already has. This is a sadness of sorts too. But while you cannot change the past, you can reason about it and this can make you happier about it - or at least reason about it better.

I think I parent will always know that its child feels inherent value its parent. This is certain, as a bear cub looks to its parent, so a parent knows of its value to the child. Some comfort can perhaps gain from this.

But does a child know how its own existence fulfils a parent? This is the unknown and uncertainty, a child will seek when sensing the end of a parent's life.

In this way, if your parents understand their value to you and that they have embellished your existence, then the physical loss is lessened or perhaps not even important and a child can take this as some comfort at the time of the death of a parent.

What can be done in the time between life and the near death is to either make a parent's worth to a child and then make a parent's life happier until they die.

What it comes down to I think, is that you need the object of your value to realise its own value to you, and somehow this is your way of giving back to it - it somehow gives it a meaning - the meaning it has for you.

It's not about the value coming to an end, it never comes to an end, it persists in your psyche and only grows in value with time. This is perhaps how one copes with the death of a loved one, particularly a parent?

Perhaps we are on our own journeys rationalising the past in the present and reasoning about the future.

Perhaps we really only understand value at the end, or more likely, perhaps we realise it while we're living while thinking about the past.

Change is happening really fast, and I don’t think people really-really appreciating it much as to actually stop and think about it.

Hyper adaption is required but can people identify it or actually adapt to it in time - or else you can be forgotten or be old and disparate in a society which has accepted a change as the norm and moved on?

You are a team player whether you like it or not: societies are groups and they function with commonalities in mind - those commonalities could be changes recently introduced and now accepted. They are increasingly computer and information related, like ways of interacting with services in the community or the community itself. 

A warning to businesses:

Many businesses now no longer work in one way or continue that way indefinitely – they need to adapt to new ways of doing business if they are doing to survive – this is just like people need to adapt to societal changes, only these changes have influenced business and how they operate. They can affect your bottom line.

A really good question is how will companies identify the need to change and adapt appropriately and more importantly in a timely way as to cope with the effects of not doing so timely and effectively? Often I think companies don’t see change, and they are caught out because they don’t have a mechanism that identifies it – or more bluntly they don’t know or think change last long and that it will go away and revert back to how it was before.

Change can be perhaps seen as one of the most dangerous aspects in this regard to companies and businesses who cannot see the implications of dealing with changes, which are bound to occur and now having to spend money cleaning up their failures in dealing with changes they couldn’t see coming. Identifying change and planning for change is important as is it in software development re: agile methodologies which embraces change an inevitable.

Where does change come from? Everywhere, but its more concerning for businesses who now use computers and technology more than ever because change occurs often in computing and information. You need to swim if you want to live in water.

Computers and technology instigate change – they are useful and they are dangerous in the way mentioned above – perhaps its why change management is a study and discipline in large organisations but perhaps isn't in enough smaller organisations. An interesting question is whether the size of the company predisposes you to miss signs of change?

Changes are a full-time job and quite rightly so. The results of changes can be implicitly disastrous. A misconception is that change is temporary or that you have enough time to deal with it or that it will go away. Change management’s main task surely is being aware of this and being on the offensive and not the defensive regarding it.

Staying on track, abreast and having full awareness is difficult but it must be done or aimed to be done. More information, more change means more potential for missing key signs.

Communication and the internet have made things more global and there are more things to consider now re: software development – laws, localization, currency etc…
So don’t shoot yourself in the foot by not thinking about what software actually is and how it actually can influence you, your company and the society you live in. It’s a dangerous miracle.